♪♫Knowing it will be worth while, I will go the extra mile♫♪

Lyrics from the song The Extra Mile recorded by Laura Pausini.

In October of last year I wrote a post Around the Corner...  I didn't mention in the post, but one of the things I had been doing with that client before she passed was working on a Legacy project. When she started to decline, I just decided I wanted to have a record of her musical passion and her excellent quality of life when in the presence of Music Therapy; something her family could have after she was gone. So, without really knowing what I was doing, I grabbed an intern and the video camera and did some recording. The facility has a digital video camera, and I have a mac that came with video editing software, so I figured, how hard can it be to make a basic movie.  I wanted it to look like a finished copy, with scenes and titles and transitions. But, when I went to plug in the video camera, it was not compatible with the version of iMovie on my computer. Well, I was pretty intent on doing this project and making it look like a polished copy, so I looked into upgrading the program. Then I found out that to upgrade that one program I would in fact have to completely upgrade my operating system from 10.4 (I know, I hadn't ever done an upgrade. whoops) to at least 10.6 Snow Leopard version. (This is still two OS behind I believe Lion is the newest.) So, I special ordered an installation disc for the new OS. That came and I spent an afternoon upgrading my computer. Then I had to download the APP store onto my computer, and download the new versions of iMovie and iDVD.  I also bought CD labels from Target and made a nice CD label sticker. The resident died before I finished the video with all the set-backs I had. I was able to get in touch with her family and give them copies of the finished product (after a few more issues with burning the discs). The finished product was something of which I was very proud. The family was happy to receive it. The resident's daughter sent me a card saying the whole family was going to watch the video together on Thanksgiving. All in all the project cost me a decent chunk of my own money and MANY unpaid hours working on it, often at 3 or 4 in the morning. It was not something I had to do. It was not something the family asked for from me. I saw an opportunity and I went for it, and despite the extra personal cost and the time and the frustration and inconvenience, it was completely worth while.

I have another resident and he is a joy. He loves to sing his favorite songs and a smile spreads across his face and he makes the comment that the music "makes the old ticker go." When he sings, the other staff even stop to watch and listen because he is so animated and when he finishes a song and has done all the words, he smiles so much and is so proud of himself he sometimes is moved to tears of joy. It is beautiful to be a part of that. He had family visit from out of town last summer and I met them coincidentally on the elevator coming back to the floor from my dinner break one evening. I told them about his singing and they said they couldn't believe it. So, I grabbed my guitar and spend a half hour helping them connect with their uncle through his favorite songs. Then I explained the concept of a Legacy video project. They were very interested in having something like that to hold onto to remember him when he is eventually gone from this earth. I said I would make him my next project. Then I just had no extra time at work. I still intended to do it at some point but it wasn't a priority. He wasn't declining and he was singing as well as ever. But, then I got a new job. I knew I needed to do this Legacy video before I left my position. I had promised the family.

When I was working on memorial day I got the resident and the video camera and did some recordings of his favorite songs. Transferring them to the computer was easier now that my programs were the correct versions. I even figured out a few extra touches to make this finished product better than the first one. The whole thing took much less time now that I know what I'm doing. I finished the video and went to transfer it from iMovie to iDVD so I could burn it, and I got a warning message saying that my startup disk was almost full. FYI that is NOT a good thing. The start-up disk for the non-tech-savvy people is the hard drive apparently. Well, it still said it was processing the video and would be done transferring in 3 hours. 2 hours and 45 minutes later it gave an error message saying the video was too long and there was not enough space to transfer it. I went through my files, I deleted unnecessary ones, but that didn't really work. Then, I got a phone call at work. The resident's niece was visiting again from out of town. She was hoping to be able to visit during music time. That was on Tuesday. Well, that timing was just way too convenient. I was so close to being done with this video and could give it to her while she was in town and save myself cost of shipping it.  At this point, I decided I absolutely had to do this. I ordered myself an external hard drive and had it rush delivered so I'd get it by Thursday. (I got a pretty good deal, but still, external hard drives are expensive.) That would give me time to clear some space and transfer and burn the disc to give to her before the weekend. Except that UPS required a signature and delivered it while I was at work, so they didn't leave it. I talked with the family and they gave me their phone number and contact information for where they were staying and said to just let them know if I had a chance to get the video finished before they left. Friday I left a very strongly worded note for UPS on my door indicating the importance of them leaving the package even if I wasn't there to sign in person, and signed the note indicating I accept full liability if anything happens to the package. Luckily they left it for me. I finished the DVD and it turned out so nice. I added chapter markers and music during the menus and credits. I added some nice photos of him.

I called and left a message for his family saying I had a DVD for them. I made a special trip in to work today (Sunday) to meet his niece so I could give it to her. She wanted to watch it with me and her uncle. I put it on the widescreen TV in the dining room and a few other residents joined us. I was out with my mom when the family called and asked if I could bring it, so my mom was there, too. The resident was so excited to see himself on the television singing his favorite songs. He started singing along with the video. His niece sat next to him and sang with him. She was so touched, and they had such a beautiful connection with each other for the 20 minutes he sang with me on the television. She cried; so did he. My mom got to see one of the more awesome sides of my career. The last couple weeks have been tough at work. Staff are rude and making nasty comments to me or ignoring me completely since they found out I'm leaving. But, none of that mattered in those moments watching this family find common ground in something so simple. These Legacy videos that have had so much overhead costs and have taken so much personal time and inconvenience, just to give them away for free... they aren't a job requirement, they aren't even an expectation. They were simply something I got the idea to do one day, and decided if I was going to make something like that, then I was going to go the extra mile and make it the best product I could. I wasn't certain it would be worth it in the end; I didn't know what the reaction to them would be. Today, I got to experience the reaction first-hand. While everyone else was watching the television I was watching the beauty in front of me, a true connection between this resident and his niece. Something she knows she can always treasure with him each time she sees that video. I wish I could explain it better... the look on their faces... the honor of playing a part in that. I guess all I can say is that sometimes you have to be willing to go the extra mile because the final destination is so incredibly worth it.

♪♫Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end♫♪

The lyrics are Closing Time performed by Semisonic. Really aside from the line used for the title the song doesn't apply at all. But, it's the first song lyric that came to mind when I started writing this post.

Part 1: The Offer - I interviewed for a new job last Thursday. My interview was at 10:30am and went until about 11:30. They had two others interviewing immediately after me. We ended up having some really great conversation and the interview was actually fun which is awesome. The over-all energy and attitude was really supportive and encouraging. My "tour" of the building was cut very short... as in: here's a part of the building, and the other part is over there, and we have another interview so you'll hear from us sometime next week. They didn't even ask me to play the guitar or piano or anything... I guess they assume I can do that if I've been employed as a music therapist in an equivalent position for two years. After my interview I had to go to work and while I was doing a program I missed a phone call. The phone call came in at 2:15 and was the HR director at the facility I'd interviewed at. The message was super vague, "I just wanted to discuss the interview this morning. I'm only in the office until 3, and then I'm off until Tuesday."  Well, naturally I got the message at 3:30, and completely missed the opportunity to call her back. I finally talked to the HR person yesterday about 3:00 in the afternoon. She said she'd been calling to formally offer me the position.  That means I set a new record for myself by going from an interview to a job offer in just 3 hours. They didn't even contact my references. Apparently I made a really good impression and had exactly the qualifications they wanted and the experience to back it up. The details are still a little up in the air. They haven't finalized the dates for June orientation yet, so I would either start orientation June 11th/12th or the 18th/19th. Since either way that's coming up pretty quickly, I figured the most professional thing to do was to was to tell my direct supervisor/activity director that I would be leaving and I'd give her the official letter of resignation as soon as I knew the details.

Part 2: Resignation - So, I approached my supervisor at the end of the normal work day after most of the other RT staff had left or were in the process of leaving. I explained I had been offered a new position and was going to accept it, and that I wasn't sure whether my final day would be the 8th or the 14th, and it depended on my orientation schedule. I thanked her for the opportunity of working there for the past two years. I also said that I'd prefer to tell the other RT/MT staff myself, once I knew when my final day would be later this week. She basically didn't react at all... then said something along the lines of "Well, you'll be missed, but you have to do what is best for you." Then a bunch of things happened that seemed really unprofessional and I wasn't able to personally talk to anyway about it before it was announced to everyone by someone else. It made for a really awkward week, and some really mean-spirited comments from different staff members that were very hurtful.
If anything this has shown me it was time to move on. I'm making the right decision. At least if nothing else, I am moving onto a facility where I am at least respected and wanted as a member of the team. I'm nervous about making the transition and having to learn a whole new group of residents' names and backgrounds. I'm sad to be leaving some of my coworkers and many of my residents behind. But, overall I am still happy and I am hopeful this facility will be a better fit for me.

June 1st is my two year anniversary at my current position. When I started the job it was exactly what I wanted. Full-Time, Music Therapy focussed, dementia unit... but throughout the two years it has morphed into something completely different. It has become largely behavior focussed and feels more like geri-psych than dementia. There is no communication on the floor between different departments and different staff members, and there is a general lack of compassion, and as hard as I've tried... I can't care enough for everyone. So, this beginning comes to an end, and in mid June I commence on a new beginning. God willing it will prove to be a good decision.

♪♫It's a long enough life that we're living, why walk when you can fly?♫♪

The lyrics are from a song called Why Walk When You Can Fly which many people know from the Mary Chapin Carpenter Version... I however first heard it on a Tami Gunden recording, so that's how I hear it in my head.

"In this world there's a whole lot of trouble baby, In this world there's a whole lot of pain.
In this world there's a whole lot of trouble but a whole lot of ground to gain
Why take when you could be giving, Why watch as the world goes by?
It's a hard enough life to be living, Why Walk when you can fly?

In this world there's a whole lot of sorrow, In this world there's a whole lot of shame
In this world there's a whole lot of sorrow and a whole lot of ground to gain.
When you spend your whole life wishing, wanting and wondering why
It's a long enough life to be living, Why walk when you can fly."

This blog is a little bit of a rant. I am a Music Therapist. I am not a babysitter. I am not a performer. I am not the "music lady" who "sings for them every night." I am a Music Therapist. I am not a nurse. I cannot toilet, dress, or bathe people. I cannot get them out of bed in many cases. Therefore I rely on others who are nurses and aides to do those things. I try and make my needs clear and ask for cooperation. I individually approach each NAR. I print off lists of those I need if it's a change in their typical up/sleeping schedule. I ask nicely. I give advanced notice. I communicate and they answer, and agree to help, and then it's like it never happened. Example: Sensory group. I have a group of five residents who I have been trying to do a sensory group with at least once a month (preferable more but I'm realistic in my expectations.) I printed off a list of the names of those I needed, the exact time I would need them up and ready to go, and the exact time the group would be done. I took the list to each nurse. I gave the list to the nurse manager. I gave the list to each NAR and specifically talked to them and thanked them in advance for their cooperation and assistance. They all nodded and agreed and said they'd leave the people up after dinner, or in the case of individuals with tube feeding, get them up in time for the group. Then when I went to gather the five people for my group, how many were actually up and ready to go?  Many of you might say - "sounds like you were thorough, I bet you got all five."  If that was your thought you aren't even close. Of the five I needed, I was able to actually gather ONE. I don't know what else I can do to communicate my point. This is a frequent occurrence. I've lately started to feel like I'm developing a defeatist attitude, 'why bother scheduling specialized groups, the residents I need won't get to them anyway.' I am walking instead of flying.

I have become quite jaded as a result of my current job setting. For quite some time now I have not felt as if I am working at my full potential. I have felt stifled by a lack of cooperation and support from other staff members. I have had nurses bring me someone who is acting up/yelling/biting/hitting/spitting when I am in the middle of a group with 15 actively participating residents, and put them right in the middle of my group. Already upset this is usually overstimulating for someone with aggressive behaviors r/t dementia. I go from a very successful group, to a group I have no control over, to the point where the group becomes about me attempting to keep people from hurting each other rather than being able to actually provide MT services. I will be doing a group, using the piano and leading and staff will come in the room and start talking to each other in the middle of my session over the top of me. Then when I ask them to take their conversation elsewhere they have actually replied with, "Oh were you playing for them?"  No I frequently do my practicing at this volume setting in a room full of people.

I recently learned of a job opening at a facility within the same company as the one I did my internship. The facility has a much higher reputation for quality than my current place. I didn't even hesitate after I heard about it before updating my resume and writing a cover letter. The job hadn't even officially posted yet, and I had already sent an inquiry to the head of the department. The hours are the same as my current position (not ideal but bearable still), it's still with dementia (which I really do love actually), but it's a little further away. I can deal with distance in exchange for job satisfaction.  I could stick it out in my current location and just wish it would get better. Wishing for more compassionate staff, a greater level of caring. I could continue dredging it out... meandering on my way, just waiting for things to change so I could be proud of the job I have. There are a lot of negatives in life. But I can't wish for change, I have to make it happen. I have to choose to take control, give myself permission to jump and hope I can fly. I have an interview on Thursday. If it goes well, I could be looking at a whole new perspective with the cooperation and support to really live up to my potential as a MT. I could be looking at the possibility of diving into a new position with all new staff and residents very soon.  I am simultaneously nervous/scared and hopeful all at once.

"In this world there's a whole lot of golden, in this world there's a whole lot of plain
In this world you've a soul for a compass and a heart for a pair of wings.
There's a star on the far horizon, rising bright in an azure sky
For the rest of the time that you're given, why walk when you can fly?"

This is me aiming for flight. I don't want to just walk... just get by. I want to fly, I want to be proud and satisfied with what I am doing and where I'm doing it. We only get this one life... why walk when you can fly?

I also have a tumblr site

No lyrics because I am posting from a new work assigned iPad and don't know how to get the music notes with it. Just a short entry to say I have a tumblr account, too. I typically post relevant research and links to really great MT bloggers that I enjoy reading. So if you are interested in following me there check it out: http://simplesongbird.tumblr.com